Yes, your sin has real-time implications for them, and you may eventually need to apologize for it. Your past sins were not against your partner in a way that allows them to coerce you into more sexual immorality. Second, guard your own heart against another’s manipulation. If you’ve truly put your hope in Jesus Christ, and given yourself to a lifelong pursuit of his holiness, your history cannot condemn you anymore. Your history says less about you than an accuser might have you believe. It can also belittle the sovereign and sanctifying grace of God. To seek the person with the “cleanest” story is an attempt to control a future - it’s not a search for holiness, but a divine coup d’état, striving to micro-manage our own safety and power. Nor does lack of sexual history bring relational security. That’s just not the way the heart works (Matthew 5:28). Lack of a sexual history does not equal purity of heart. There are a few practical things to remember for those embarrassed by their sexual history. Impatience, because you want to let the past be the past, and refuse to be rejected and discarded for a past with which you’ve dealt diligently with the Lord and the church. Embarrassment, because you feel exposed and judged as you feel the weight of the other person’s purity. The twin emotions of dating with a sexual history are embarrassment and impatience. But, by God’s infinite and mysterious grace, it can also be an event for mending, for excavating, for cherishing, for learning - if we have the courage. It can make us nervous, cautious, withholding, unsparing, unforgiving, and bludgeoning. A sexual history only complicates matters. Dating is an unstable kind of relationship - it either ends in a marriage or a breakup. Rarely do two Christians have the proper tools to defuse the conversation. I allowed my ego to become the thing I protected and cherished, rather than the valuable and vulnerable image of God in front of me. I allowed insecurity to take the driving seat. I’ve been on both sides of this conversation. “What grief or concerns am I allowed to express?”ĭealing with sexual history can turn intimacy into a battlefield, and affection into a tangled web of recorded wrongs - of power plays and sharpened blades. “It’s dealt with in Christ, so why is this so hard for you?” Every question can land like a left hook. Every sentence takes on the cadence of a threat - an ultimatum. When sexual history is revealed, both parties may feel betrayed for different reasons.
It can turn a healthy dating relationship into a game of manipulation and control in a millisecond.
Talking about sexual history with the person you’re dating can go wrong very quickly.
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